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July 19, 2008, 11:35 am
Flag as Inappropriate skatss  

My sister is very ill, but she's still doing well, thank Goodness!

We've been discussing how we are going to handle visitors when she starts to get worse. The discussion started when I read an article about how people should visit the sick. We mostly didn't agree with the article so we have some of our own ideas about it.

All these ideas apply to visiting at home or at the hospital.

Call first.

If the person is home or in the hospital, make sure that the patient is up to having visitors. Also check that the patient doesn't have any tests scheduled. Before and after tests, patients tend to be on edge.

If the patient is at home, call before to permit the caregiver know to tidy up more. There's no way you want to put more pressure on the caregiver too.

When you call, ask the caregiver if there is something you can do for them before you get there. Maybe they need some shopping done, maybe they might like it if you could visit at a time when they need time off or when they need to go somewhere. Your visit can also be helpful.

Wash your hands before you show up.

That will keep germs that you carry around from harming your friend. Washing hands is the best thing to do at all times to keep from sharing germs.

Keep your face from showing surprise at how the patient looks. The sick person is going to be looking at you for your reaction.

If you have a friendship that is always fun and joking, you might be able to mention how bad they look, but to be on the safe side, don't say anything about their looks. If you say they look good and they know they don't, it's a bad way to start out.

How about just saying that you are so happy to see them. And only kiss them hello if you always kiss hello. Otherwise, it might be bad for the patient and they might feel a bit uncomfortable with close quarters.

When you walk in, don't be afraid to change the room around to make yourself comfortable and to make the visit go better. Simply ask first. If you need to move their commode away, or if you can turn the TV off, or if you can clean off a table to hold some things you have brought.

Most people will be more than happy to move thongs around to make for a good visit, but just let them give the OK.

Be cheerful, but don't feel you have to be a laugh riot.

If you usually share jokes, continue to do it. After all, you were the patient's friend way before the disease got them.

Let them know that you are open to talking about their disease.

You don't have to ask all sorts of questions about it, but if they want to talk, let them know you will be there to listen -- even to the rough stuff.

And if your friend cries, you can join them, but don't try and win in the "I'm upset" department. You are there as support, not to tell them how much YOU are suffering at seeing them.

Try and have the type of conversations you have always shared as friends.

Don't make it a competition about talking about painful hospital stays, bad nurses you have known, horrible tests you have had, humiliating things you have had to endure the last time you were sick. You are there to support them as a friend not to win at telling horrible and depressing stories. Hopefully you will make them feel better during the visit.

Make it a short visit. Don't stick around for hours, unless they ask you to. The patient will probably tire out very easily and you don't want to make them uncomfortable trying to entertain you.

Bring something to give the patient. It can just be a magazine or a box of cookies you know they can have.

In the previsit phone call, ask if there is a snack food they can have or if there is something that is totally forbidden to have. Remember that the treat you bring is going to mean a lot to the patient and to the caregiver. Don't bring anything the patient can't have, don't take anything for granted -- just ask beforehand.

Don't bring books that talk about how a good attitude will help cure them. No stories about how a patient walked a thousand miles and conquered their disease. There's no need to make your friend feel inadequate that they haven't healed their disease with the power of their thought.

People who are in the middle of fighting a disease don't need to be told they are only sick because they are not trying hard enough. Don't bring medical books for them to use to HEAL themselves.

Bring magazines about all sorts of subjects -- thing you know they like and maybe a few that are very different. Bring books that are best sellers and that they would want to read at any time. Maybe just look at them to see if anyone is dying of a disease in the story -- and pass on it if anyone is dying or has just died.

You don't need to make a visit a huge occasion. Try and keep it in a form that makes the patient happy, and really that makes it a pleasure for you.

And remember to call, call, call your friend on the phone or write loads of emails that don't need to be answered. A short phone conversation a few times a week can keep you both in touch and close. Also take time to speak to the caregiver and give support there too.

Well, that's all we can think of so far. If we can think of more ideas I'll jot them down. If you have any ideas add them here -- please!

I`m sorry to hear your sister is sick. Those are some really great tips you gave. Some I never even thought about. Thank you for the advice.

Very helpful article you put in here. Visiting a sick friend is often a real morale boost for them. The problem is we often don't know what to say or do. This does help. I am sorry to hear your sister is sick.

Great article you have here. You sound like you are a very good friend to have for a sick person.

Sorry to hear that your sister is sick. It is great that you are so interested in learning what to do for her when she gets really bad. She is very lucky to have you. Also, thank you for sharing the article. I am sure it will help others on this site.

Sorry to hear your sister is sick, but I agree with calling ahead is a very good idea. This way you will know if you can come to visit.

Washing hands is good but I also wash mine once I get there to avoid anything I could have picked up along to way too. Doorknobs can be very icky to touch and who knows whats on them.

I hope your sister will get well soon. When I visited my friends in hospital, I dare not to crack any jokes as the condition there looks so gloomy and serious.