Posted By

June 28, 2008, 3:51 pm
Flag as Inappropriate DianaR  

  Subject

Abusive Parents 

I know several people who have basically been bullied into caring for their elderly parents in their own homes. The parents haven't had a good thing to say to their kids from day one and now are laying on the guilt, trying to avoid spending money on retirement homes or assisted living.

I think these people should be forced to fend for themselves but I don't know of any legal way to get your abusive parents out of your home when they have lived in the home, because it isn't the same as having an abusive spouse taken to jail.

Are there ways to force them into a retirement home or an assisted living center? 

June 28, 2008, 5:48 pm
Flag as Inappropriate KrisNY says...

I didn't know that you had to take your parents in. If they have been abusive to you- then I would not allow them in my home.
I really thought that you had to invite them to live- it's not forced on you.
 

June 28, 2008, 8:03 pm
Flag as Inappropriate Upstairs_Mommy says...

It probably has more to do with emotional and verbal abuse and the mind set that creates. The "child" is probably so used to doing what they are told because of that natural instict to try and please your parents. Unfortunately, when parents are abusive the more you try to please the more the lay on the abuse. The "kids" probably just can't handle the guilt trip that would be put on them if they put their parent in a home. This probably includes the threat that they were never loved, that they were a mistake, that they will be cut out of the will, that they will be reported for abusing their own children (whether true or not), etc.  

June 28, 2008, 9:41 pm
Flag as Inappropriate skatss says...

I am probably wrong, but I would think that by the time the children had become adults and moved out to their own home, they would have learned that they were abused as kids and would have learned a way to deal with their parents as sperate entities.

If these kids have been bullied into permitting their parents to live in their homes, and they aren't happy, then it is time to get a social worker into the situation. The parents might be trying to not pay their way, but the money needed to take care of them is a lot, and the children might need help.

By getting the government into it, there might be a way to get the parents into assisted living places that they would like. There are some places that are nice. If not, then there might be ways to get them into daycare for adults. That way they are picked up and taken to a place to have activities and meals during the day. Some of these places are not at all expensive. The parents might like that too, and by them not being around most days the children might get a break.

And at the very least, the children can get help for their emotional trials.  

June 29, 2008, 4:26 am
Flag as Inappropriate elvenrunelord says...

actually abuse is abuse.....an abusive parent can be taken to jail as quickly as a abusive spouse in most areas now. Domestic violence covers this issue I think 

June 29, 2008, 12:43 pm
Flag as Inappropriate bubble says...

I would certainly get a professional in to help with th situation. Children should not be bullied and be made to feel guilty by anyone, least of all their parents.

I know for one, that when I become too old or frail to manage on my own, that I would certainly not burden my children, and would be more than happy to live in residential care.

Your parents should not be forced on you, and certainly should not be verbally, mentally or physically abusive. 

June 30, 2008, 2:42 am
Flag as Inappropriate flowerhorn says...

Well, this is a tough one.. After all, they are your parents. By now, I believe they can't abuse you anymore If you really acted out the way you felt about them, you can make them get out of your house. But in doing so, are you any difference from them? 

June 30, 2008, 5:51 pm
Flag as Inappropriate Simplyme says...

It is at those times that I would be making a call to Hospice or Adult protective services to find out what recourse is available. I would also ask the doctor to do a mental competence evaluation. If they are proven to be unable to care for themselves then there are agencies that can come in and put them into a home or assisted living situation if there is not family willing to take them on. Otherwise I'd be moving out and letting then fend for themselves if they were capable and being abusive. 

August 23, 2008, 5:15 pm
Flag as Inappropriate lilbit says...

I had a very abusive dad. He died in 1987. Had he lived and needed somewhere to live it would definitly not be with me. I put up with his abuse all my growing up years. He would be on his own. You reap what you sow in my book.